Dear Mr. John

Mr. John, I couldn’t live without you,

If you didn’t exist, where would I poo?

In fact, where would anyone doo-doo?

Would we go to a hole?

Or simply a bucket or a large bowl?

Society nowadays couldn’t properly function,

Not to mention we would experience dysfunction.

Mr. John, I couldn’t live without you.

I never thought to ask if you even liked that name.

Would you prefer Latrine, even though that sounds feminine.

I hope I don’t offend,

I’m not trying to be mean.

Mr. John, I couldn’t live without you.

If we didn’t have you,

What would we do while we poo?

You know, some get a lot of homework done with your help,

Others check the news or browse the Yelp!

I know some neglect you Mr. John,

And for that I send you my deepest condolences.

It must contort your super John senses.

Therefore we run into the undeniable fact,

That we need you to continue to exist, for,

We couldn’t live without you Mr. John.