Dear MUM

Dear Mum: 

There's so much I need to say , not sure how to do it but I'll start here. 

I love you with every bone in my body. You're my forever friend. 

I would die for you without thinking twice. 

I just don't seem to see you willing to do the same sacrifce for me. 

It's always your way or no way at all. I don't know if  I'm allowed to be myself. 

I am trying to figure out where it all went wrong. 

You see Mum , I'm upset with you. 

You showed me a side of you that makes me scared but at the same time I lost respect for you.

The lifestlye you have is not fit for me. I can't put myself in that mess.

The way you living is breaking my heart. The way you change when you pick up that bottle.

It really scares me so much , I am fearing for your soul.

Sad part is , you just don't see it.

I don't know how to warn you before it's too late.

You going to lose me. I don't want to see you like this , it's too heart sore.

Come back to us Mum. 

Who broke you ? Is there something you not telling us ?

I don't know you anymore , this isn't you.

The fighting needs to stop , the thrill for more is getting to you.

Are we not enough for you ?

Sometimes I think you don't really want kids anymore. 

Whenever we talk I feel the discomfort , I feel the mixed feelings.

Are we just doing this because we obligated too ? 

I don't have a voice when you around , I am so afraid of disapointing you but you've been dissapointing me. 

I feel good some days but then I feel bad most days. 

Out fear I just joked about all your mistakes but sitting here now I am beyond dissapointed in your actions.

I'm a respectful daughter , I listen and I never gave you a lot of trouble.

I played mother for a while remember ? I never resinsted you for that ever. I was happy to do it for you. 

While you were finding yourself but this person you found is not the person we know. 

I don't know what happened a long the way. 

Do you hate me for choosing him over you ? 

Could that be the reason we going through all this ? 

Did I abandon you ? 

I thought it's everyone for themselves. I did everything for you ! More then any child/friend would.

In the end nothing I do for myself makes you proud. 

Do I dissapoint you ? 

Part of me just wants to forget everything but I have this heavy feeling on my chess.

I need to let it go for my wellbeing. 

Sitting in coffee shop trying not to let the tears pour. 

I hope I find the strength to do this face to face. 

I am trying my best out here in this world. Each for their own so it seems.

So since I am grown and well alone.

I will do this on my own. 

Sincerely 

Aamirah YOUR DAUGHTER.