Dear Neely

I miss you. 

Not the just simple "miss you" you hear get thrown around every day,

when I say, "I miss you",

It means 57 exact nights I have fallen asleep with tears

It means countless of hours I have given to the thought of seeing you again

It means to burning sensation of a flame of envy I crave when I see a mother or anyone holding their baby

Only because I will never hold you again

I miss you. 

Not the kind of "I miss you" you say when you haven't seen someone in a few days,

Oh no, this is the kind of "I miss you" you say when you know they will never come back 

You know they will not say it back because they are gone.

Not the memories, those are the scars they leave behind when they leave

Those memories repeat over and over again, making you want to walk away and cry

You repeat to yourself over and over again that they are gone hoping the pain goes away

Unfortunately, it doesn't

It never will.

Neely, I miss you, I love you, I want you home. 

I wake up every morning, wishing you were home in your cradle

I come home from school wish you were still there, even if it has been almost 5 years

5 years of not holding you in my arms, hearing your heartbeat 

Looking at your precious smile that could melt the most frozen hearts

Neely, it is so easy to miss you

But the memories of you are so tender and raw

A touch to them stings like you have been burned repeatedly 

I miss you. 

Please come home, life is never the same without you

We all wander around as if we are lost and have no idea where to go

I just want you back home, please. 

What I would give to just hear one more coo, to feel your warmth in my arms

Just one more time, so I can say goodbye instead of goodnight.

Neely, I will be coming home soon. 

Not today, tomorrow or next week, but soon. 

I miss you.