Dear Old Me

Dear Old Me,

Why did you hide?

Why did you push yourself into a hole, and if anyone tried helping you out, you fought and kicked to stay? You made me feel like there was no air to breathe, no thoughts that were safe, no me. I had to stand in your shadow and act like I liked the cold. I had to watch my hands shake daily and act like it was a game. Why did you make me pour over every uncontrollable thing? Was I not enough? Apparently not. You made me feel like every breath, was one closer to my destruction. That the world was about to crumble and all I had to do was blink and the blame would be on me. I tried to escape, but then I was lost and terrified that I couldn't do it on my own. You made me stand in position and take every beating. But let me tell you, I am free. There is nothing squeezing me from the inside out. I stand tall, I am still. I was forced to think that if I wasn't constantly feeling, I would feel nothing. But I now see, that I feel the most when I feel nothing. I do not have to constantly be on edge, I can let God guide me and have silence as comfort. You filled my mind with lies and forced me to see the worst, when in actuality there is beauty in everything. I now fill my own mind with peace. My words may have power, but not to destroy myself. Only to build myself and others up. You gave me an irresistable place to stay, but I'm doing fine on my own. Don't worry about me, it'll only make you feel worse.

Sincerely,

The Real Me