dear once mother of mine

You say you will come back, you say you won't leave.

One...two... three hours pass and you are still not here.

You always taught me, to be strong. You told be to always believe.

Why aren't you here yet?  My mind goes to a dark place.

Sitting on the ground, rocking back and forth with tears down my face.

Wondering where you went.

I hear a knock at the door, hoping it's you I get up and run at the door.

Opening the door with a lot of hope, but it's not you.

It’s this man in a suit. Asking me if I knew where you were.  

The man take my hand, as I explain that  you went  out for a bit,

That you would be back soon.

Telling the man that I hardly knew, that have done this before.

He handed me his card told me, if When you come back to let him know

Laying down on my pillow soaked in my tear. Trying to be strong.

But I thought that you were gone

I go to sleep waiting for you, staying up way past wanting to sleep.

I wake up, hoping that you would be home.

I jump out bed searching for you, you were nowhere to be found.

I sit in the middle of the hallway, wanting  to call that man.

Thinking maybe he has found you and just didn't let me know.

Standing next to the phone with the card in my hand, dealing the number then hanging up again and again.

Crying trying to make myself okay to just have a conversation on the phone.

But my anxiety is way too high and he probably just think I'm a freak.

I deal the number listening to the dial tone, then one ring two.. and then  three,

hello? says man all I can mutter is have you found my mom.  The man being confused. Trying to explain as I hear a knock on the door.

I keep talking, thinking it just me head.

There it goes a again the knocking sound, I get up and open the door.

There you are in yesterday's clothes all wet and tired looking.

I ask you where you were all you say was I went out.

You told me you would be back, I start crying I was scared you were dead.

Why did you lie to me.  With tear coming down my face

All you say is stop being such a baby.

I thought I could trust you, I thought you were my friend but all you did was hurt me again and again. I stop believing you. All you did was hurt me.

You told me you would be back and never time I would believe you. I believe your tiny story

“Oh my car broke down”

“Sorry , I was sick”

“Sorry I forgot a had a doctor's appointment”

This is all you said to me for months I want to see you, and you left me.

You say you didn't mean to hurt me.

That I should trust you. Who can I trust now? Who words can I believe?

You make me question the  person I love. Because you HURT me.

With party, and lying and abusing me.

Your are say HI to me when I am saying good bye. Just never hurt anyone like you hurt me.