Dear Parents.

Academic Validation, two words, 18 letters that have completely changed of the lives of not only student in America but students all over the world. Adults seem to think it's something social media has injected into our brains. Specifically, my immigrant parents who came for a “brighter future”. It’s funny because the same people who’ve made our lives "easier" are putting enough pressure on us to sink. When I was in kindergarten I’d watch my classmates get golden stars for raising their hands or using your inside voices. They’d run up to their parents and show off the bright stars, maybe even get promised ice cream. Obviously, I wanted some ice cream, so I’d run to my parent show off the bright star and wait for my words of encouragement. Spoiler Alert, I never got the ice cream. Which made my life so much harder than it needed to be. I remember it like it was yesterday. The first time my mom yelled at me, and not because I’d stayed up watching TV or I was eating too much junk food but because I wasn’t enough. I was home from school and as soon as I walked in I saw my mom cooking but before I could even greet her, she asked me,” What did you get on your test?”. I said, “Mom, I got an 80 on my Social Studies test”. I expected her to praise me and tell that she was proud, that I had done a good job, but she had done the complete opposite. “An 80, didn’t you study, what were you doing in you room this entire week. When I was your age, I went to school and I had a job to support my family of 8, all I ask of you is to get good grades and you can’t even do that! I didn’t sacrifice my life for you to slack off and get 80s. Are you going to live here the rest of your life?”. All I could do was look down and not meet her disappointed eyes. I mean didn't give a crap about what ice cream flavor I wanted at Basket Robins because at that moment I was a nothing but a grain of salt in her eyes. I’m not sure what happened that day, maybe someone got her mad at work or maybe she was just disappointed in me, I was the issue. Safe to say felt horrible after words. But, since the day my mother yelled at me, I have taken it upon myself to work hard for what is truly important, getting a 90 or above in every single class. Fuck the Ice cream, fuck the golden starts, this is the only thing that matters right now.  Who cares if I’m skipping a few meals, or losing some hours of sleep, that’s what the weekends are for right. My family of 5 was sitting at the dinner table, and my parents were talking, but I wanted to say something, I had something to tell them. But how is should I say it. Should I just scream it at the top of my lungs and say, “I’m burnt out!” Or should I explain them how my hand would shake when I’d pick up a pencil. Or how my head would pound from 30 minutes of sleep I got last night. How? How do you tell emotionless immigrant parents that I can’t take it anymore.Is it sad to say the only day I think I’ll ever feel loved is when I graduate high school or college? How hard is it to say, 'good job' or 'you tried your best'? Why must you place this burden on me, that I’m nothing without a piece of paper? Why can’t I be the same little with the gold star on display? Where’s the ice cream I was never promised? I’m still that little girl but why am I not being treated like it? Why can’t you tell me, “Hija estamos orgullosos de ti”. Dear Mami and Papi, I’m not a burden, I am enough but please remind me that I am enough. One 'good job' is all I’ve ever needed. One scoop, one star, one ounce of praise, and one ounce of validation is all I to keep me sane. Dear Mami and Papi, I don’t care what you think, I’m enough, and I have always been enough.