Dear Sadness

Dear Sadness,

You’ve been in my life a long time. I remember how you showed up at my door to usher the happiness of a day filled with games and small trains out of my life like my dad was ushered out of his marriage. For a year, you covered me like a wet blanket, hiding the world from me. Even now that I am grown, that year is gone from my mind. That was our first encounter.

As the years drug on you and happiness fought. Wagging war inside my mind creating a torrent that at times feels like I will drown in. Yet I keep swimming. I thought you left me, but you stayed, hiding in the background of my mind. You clung to the air over the oceans of my thought, gaining speed and power until you turned into a hurricane. You overtook my shores when Buddy decided he would grab me and show me how much of a friend he was not. Sending me into a state of emergency. Everyone was an enemy. Your rain mixed with his true colors that coated my world with tar. You and your friend fear, tainted my trust with his unwanted actions. You covered my eyes with a cloth so dark that at times it was all I could see.

Yet, with time, happiness broke through the hardened shell of the lava which killed my world. He breathed new life into me. Trust came back to me. I bled myself dry for him. Changed who I am and threw myself worth away, all to lighten the load so I could chase him. I did not catch him. He caught me. Trapped in his smoke screen, I choked on this slimy lizard’s tricks. HE tricked me into thinking the smoke was life giving air. Tricked me into submission. He stole from me. Despite knowing the muck I pulled myself from, he pinned me into a verbal corner with my nievity. Despite the “No”s and the “I am not ready for this”s, he pressed on. Unknowingly draping me further into your tight embrace

I wish you would stop intoxicating m air

You sadness have turned into depression.

I wish you would let me go.

Release me from this quicksand I am drowning in

Let me go, so I don't have to.