Dear Sam- Our love story

So you want to forget everything?

Your willing to push away everything we had?

Well i am, because i cant live with regret

i cant move on knowing you either hat me or still love me

im sorry but beng friends isnt enough

i wanted more

I  miss you like crazy

yet another day passes without you

i spend nights, even days

crying over you, just the thought of you...

makes me cry

The thought of ever losing you made me shrivel up

your smile. your eyes.

the touch of my hand running through your hair

lets start from the beggining.

i meet you at church

about 4-5 years ago

from the monment i saw you,

i knew needed you alone

we were meant to be.

i was wrong.

my best friend then a girl i didnt know,

who now we are besties, like sisters

i wasnt sorry i loved you

i wasnt sorry i needed you

but  the thought of you walking away...walking away from me.

it was unbearable

Then one day, i asked you out.

i was hesitant but i did it.

on the 19 july 2019 we officially started dating.

It was the last the day of school too.

2 weeks after me asking you out,

we had church camp for the week.

i got to spend a whole week with you.

I was grinning all the way there.

laughing and smiling, because of you

On the bus there, you gave me bracelet.

you made it out of powercord.

it was a dirty pink colour. it was beautiful.

i loved it.

On the third day of camp, we had our first hug.

i was upset so your brother and my best friend

told you to give me a hug.

To be honest, i enjoyed every moment of it. every second.

The best memory was throwing love heart sweets out

of the girl dorm window.

next was the sleep over.

You walked in, i gave you a little smile

we had pizza, you had so many toppings.

but you didnt care what we thought, you ate it anyway.

Then we watched a sad christian film.

Me and scarlet were crying when u told me a very bad joke.

what does a fish say when he swims into a wall?

damn. i laughed even though it was terrible.

After a night of fun, it was all over.

Then on the 11th december 2019,

i said i needed a break, i just needed to sort out my head.

My brother then text you saying how i missed you and

you said that you were good as friends!

i was broken. i was torn. i was ripped apart with those words

Every memory came flooding over me.

Every song and very poem went around in my head.

You never truly knew how much i loved you.

One wednesday at bible study, our youth worker, gave

us all a little letter saying how much we meant to him.

so i did the same.

i wrote everyone a little letter explaining what they meant to me

how much i cared.

I wrote a one sided A5 sheet of paper for everyone.

except you.

i said how i texted you every day at 10:00 unless i was at

school then it would be 3:36.

I said how things started of so well, and ended badly.

I said this was a feeling where i thought i would

never lose you.

they break uo wiht you.

you miss them like crazy but they only see you as a friend.

the torture that puntures you heart when he says

"tell her im happy as friends"

the tears that shoot from your eyes.

He can pack up and leave all of the love behind.

for you, the memories haunt you and stab you everytime

you try to move on. everytime you think of him.

the darkness devouredthe love, all thats left are the

monsters and darkness surronding you because you

know it was their decision to shatter your heart.

it swallows you up knowing he was the one

the one in your future.

you know that you made a mistake and you have to live

with it. and you will never be able to let go.

but in the end, they are only scraed of losing you

i need you with me by my side.

i want you here with me,

but you dont want to be here with me.

but now i realise that no matter how hard thiings get

we always have friends to go to.

i may not have you, i may not have a few people anymore

but just because i cant cope with the pain i had, doesnt

mean i should give up.