Dear Tommy,

Dear Tommy,

I hope that you think you don't cross my mind.

I hope you think I am completely fine.

I hope you think of me at least some of the time

Because if you knew how much I think about the love, joy, and laughter we shared together,

You would think I am pathetic.

But that's just it.

I am not pathetic.

When I was with you, my wings were clipped and my voice was oppressed.

Looking back now, I understand why those frailties were so hard to digest.

I wonder if when you look back now, all you have are regrets.

But that's just it.

I don’t regret a thing.

I thought that we would last forever.
Taking the world by storm in the rainiest of weather.
I truly thought we belonged together.
But that’s just it.

I was wrong.

Love is not fighting every day.

Love is not stressful in every way.

Love is not begging for you to stay.

But that's just it.

You left.

Three hundred-fifty-eight days of torture and bliss.

Do you remember the last time we kissed?

I remember the softness of your gaze and lips.

But that's just it.

I remember so much more.

I remember the way your face flushed red when you screamed.

I remember being stuck in a love I had never dreamed.

I remember the way you plotted and schemed,

And the hot tears that flowed down my cheeks like a rushing stream.

And for those three hundred and fifty-eight days,

My heart broke while I tried to love you.

I was broken--shattered, unable to trust.

Thinking about the girls you would love next caused me to combust.

Imagining living a life without you turned my heart to dust.

But that's just it.

I learned to live without you.

Without you I feel like I can finally breathe.

Something I did not want to admit at first, but finally see.

I had forgotten what it was like to be totally free.

But that's just it.

I have one more thing to do to be free of your shadow that lingers in my heart.

I would like to thank you, Tommy,
For teaching me what healthy love is not,

Making me realize what love really should be.

Now I know what I deserve.

Thank you for showing me what I want in a companion
And what I need in my life.

But most importantly, thank you for helping me realize

I am resilient.

I may have bad days,

Days where I miss your sky blue eyes and gentle touch,

But I have my best days when I remember what I am worth

And that you can no longer hurt me.
 

It may have taken a while for me to move on,

but I have risen up stronger than ever before,

healthy and strong--

What I was not when I was with you.

I hope you're doing well.

But I am doing even better.

Because without you, my wings flap freely and my voice has never had such a wondrous trill.

Maybe I will see you again someday

Maybe I won’t.

But for the first time in a long time since you left and since my heart broke, I am

Okay.

You were my first love.

For that, I thank you.

Now it is time for me to finally say

Goodbye.

My best,

Casey