I don’t love you at all.
And before you glare at me with those squinted eyes,
Before you place your hands akimbo,
Before you wiggle your neck at me and say, “Excuse me?!”
Excuse me while I light my spliff.
I can see your enquiring eyes,
I see them filled with too much pride to say what you really mean
So all I see is, “Can you believe this guy?”
I am a thinking man and like Bob Marley said,
“Thinking men don’t give up.”
So why would I give up on not loving you
When not loving you is all I do?
Do I not sound convincing when I say,
That I don’t love you?
That is why I can’t stop counting the days till I see you again.
Check this out.
I don’t love you at all.
In fact, I “unlove” you so passionately that I don’t stop at the days.
I go ahead and count the hours,
And even those tiny fast numbers that come before seconds.
You know; the really fast numbers on the timer that lead up to seconds.
Do you see just how much I don’t care for you?
Yeah you heard me.
I finally lay it out there for the world to read.
I don’t care about you
That is why I didn’t notice that you were wearing a purple dress
The first time I saw you.
I also didn’t notice that you wore no earrings
But your cologne;
Oh lady your cologne had a scent to die for.
And of course I didn’t notice that either.
People only notice shit about people they care about
So why would I notice shit about you when I don’t care about you?
I don’t remember the first time you sat beside me
That is why I don’t remember counting the little hairs on your arms.
I wouldn’t notice if a building collapsed on you,
That is why I don’t remember that your hands are very soft
Even if you have a very firm handshake.
Why would I remember that
When I don’t remember shaking your hand at all?
I don’t notice you, remember.
I don’t even know how the food you cook tastes
Because when I ate that meal I don’t remember you making,
On that evening I don’t remember us spending together,
I wasn’t busy thinking about what a great cook you are
And just how beautiful your voice,
And character is.
Did you just say I mentioned your vivacity?
Jesus Christ! When the fuck did I say that?
Wait, you are kidding me, right?
Or is my spliff messing with my mind?
Oh! Now I remember.
I said, “You are NOT vivacious!”
I mean, how would I know if you are?
It is not like I have become aware of your superior dancing skills
And your love for the same.
It is not like I have observed your passion in everything you embark on.
How would I when… do I know you?
How would I know you when all I am doing right now
Is fighting the urge to run my fingers through your hair?
No lady. I don’t love you.
How would I when my heart misses a few beats every time I think about you?
How would I when I shower three times a day
Just so I could smell fresh during our time out?
How would I
When I don’t even remember how you enjoyed
The time we allegedly went out for that movie I didn’t commit to memory?
If I loved you lady,
I wouldn’t be writing this “not love letter” that I am not writing right now.
So you stop running away from me
Because you think I have fallen for you.
You are wrong.
Stay with me,
And I will keep not loving you.