Dear Will,

Both to my past self and my inner strength:

Did you dream about becoming the way you are today?

When you were younger and brighter and waiting to open up,

did your goals match my tired eyes?

I can't remember any more.

Did you both want to be popular?

because now I prefer to be alone.

Did you both strive to be something?

I have bad news-- sometimes I struggle to get out of bed.

I wonder, past self, at what point sadness crept into my life.

Even in the barefoot backyard days was it hiding somewhere in you?

And I wonder, willpower, at what point did you start to base decisions on depression?

Just how long have I felt alone?

I have nothing but questions to ask and I'm afraid

that no matter how much it seems like I cannot escape my history,

it will never reply and answer them.

And I fear that the influence of the younger Will is lost forever,

held back behind gates of coping mechanisms and distractions.

Both kinds of my will should be helping me become the best I can be.

Not just to tolerate what I experience.

Sincerely,

William Bennett