Dear You

Dear Jalen,

It started out sweet. Innocent. Every moment I could I wanted to be with you. You were the first to care, to want to care.

On and off, back on then off again. You hurt me with your words and even without. Manipulation.

4 years. 4 long, hard years. We fought, we cried, we cared. I cared. You pretended to care.

I put my heart in everything for you. When I had to pay for things, I did not mind. When you would not show up to things, I overlooked it. I overlooked you- your faults, your many faults.

You broke me, you broke my heart and my spirit when you left me for her. Her, who was and never will be worth the dirt on my shoes. Her, who was proud to ruin us, to ruin me. Her, who tried in many ways to be the woman I am but continuously failing. That was your biggest fault. You could not replace me because there was no one like me.

I grew each day I got over you. In the beginning, the pain and want was unbearable. I would cry, constantly cry storms, hurricanes, waterfalls. I became a shell, hurting those that actually did love me unlike you. My sun was covered, everything was blue. No, everything was black.

I threw myself into any and everything I did. I immersed myself with sports, people, work, things. I drowned my feelings in food, in other unfortunate souls. I told my story to anyone that would listen- how you took my heart and ran.

But now.. Now I am strong. I have met someone new. I have moved on. It feels so good to hear your name and feel nothing, just to see memories. I feels good that when I think of love I think of him, not you. Your replacement for me was a bootleg version of myself, while my love now is better than you could ever imagine to be.

And for that I thank you. I thank you for building me up and then breaking me. If you had not left, I would be stuck with you and mediocracy and hurt all my life.

Thank You,

Jamie