Dear You

Dear you,

i guess i wasn’t enough.

i knew what was coming.

i knew i was drowning, slowly sinking deeper and deeper into the waters.

i knew that you wouldn't be able to rescue me this time.

my heart a heavy rock in my chest weighing on my lungs as i gasped for air.

i reached out frantically to grasp hold of anything.

your walked away when i sunk under the water. you left me laying on the bottom.

looking up at you smiling and continuing on with your life unaware of my conditions.

slowly disappearing.

you only pulled me up only when you needed me.

and after you used me you let me slip under the thick weight of the water.

i guess i wasn’t enough.

what if you were everything i needed, and i wasn’t what you wanted.

i'm drowning and you’re the only one who can pull me from the waters.

and what if you don't.

how do i move on when the best of me is with you.

how do i tell me heart to stop longing for your love.

how to i tell my body to stop aching for you to hold me and my eyes to stop searching for you.

how do i tell my ears to stop playing the sound of your voice on repeat and my nose to stop catching your sent in the wind.

how do i tell my hands to stop feeling numb without yours.

how do i tell my mind to stop wandering and get my brain to tell my body and soul to stop missing you.  

what if you were everything i needed, and i wasn’t what you wanted.

as i lay awake in bed my mind dreams

i felt love with you.

no one else has ever cared the way you did.

i was comfortable and warm and safe with you.

you did not treat me how i should have been treated yet i loved you and your flaws without question.

he is sweet, romantic and kind.

he treats me with respect

yet somehow my mind still wanders to where u are

my heart aches for you

my fingers search yet can not find you in the dark

my whole body aches for you to hold me once more.

and then you are there.

and you are holding me

and i am safe and warm and happy again

and you slowly kiss my face and tell me you are sorry

as you bring me into your embrace

i begin to see the light of day

the warm glow of the sun

and i wake up longing for you again