Decline to Nothing

Cancer, 

i had heard about it, 

learned about it at school, 

thought it was the most boring thing ever.

now Cancer, 

is a part of my family.

just over two years ago, 

i learned that it had over come my grandma.

A woman i had come to know everything about.

Her terrible two pack a day routine, 

do what makes you happy attitude

the worst part of her personalilty, 

thinking she wasn't ever going to get sick.

I really don't think it sunk into that stubborn woman's head 

until towards the end.

Through two rounds of chemo, 

surgery, 

radiation, 

and more chemo, 

she was breaking down, 

like the leaves fallen off our favorite yellow tree on Pinewood in the fall.

When you see someone you care about 

change so rapidly, 

it crushes you inside.

knowing something could have changed if she had just gone to the doctors and tried

not trying for herself, 

but trying for the people around her that care.

i lost more than my grandma, 

i lost my pool buddy, 

i lost my milkshake friend, 

i lost my gossiper, 

i lost my second mommy,

Now when i go to bed at night and i can't fall asleep, 

i picturegrandma and i laying in bed, 

trying to sleep, 

just like when i was 6, 

when the tears put me to sleep, 

my mind draws 

completely

black.