Deep With In

A friend of mine asked me, why do you cry? I replied with a complex answer i don't know why i cry my tears just fall like the fall season and they have no name they have no reason even though my past is my past it still runs through my head like a one hundred meter dash she says you need cast those feelings aside but yet I'm discouraged by my own pride still i run but i cant hide i dream of another place but how will i get there when continuously sealing my faith will this this muscle that beats inside my chest get any closure can i receive back the purity that i once had as a little girl who sucked her mothers breast before the indecent exposure I'm tired of extemporizing on subjects contemplating on loves death tired of waiting for whats next in the sequence i have relinquished patience it's suppose to be my heart, but yet it beats to someone else's cadence the electrical pulses in my brain flow for thoughts other than my own abandoned single tears fall even their alone making their journey downwards gravity pulls so many judgments and so many rules that helping hand has now turned cruel pushing me out into the world and it seems as though i cannot stand I'm drowning in my tears and of course there is no land lost in what i wish was eternal bliss when will i find me is this it ashes to ashes and dust to dust whats left of this cold corps but pain rapped in the vicinity of lust where am I? have I been swallowed whole? Held captive by the story untold? Now the truth has unfold penetrating through this mold piece by piece broken can you hear my words I've spoken but wait they are not done yet the wave of my words vibrate off the eardrum so those who have heard my intellect choose to neglect it you cannot fear what you do not know insulting my intelligence by your constant display of negligence not one nor twice but more than three consecutive times in a row the hate for this cause has traveled too and fro when will go it has been a burden upon my soul deep within my spirit can you hear it? no because instead of having people laughing at my pain i prefer to keep it covered even from the sight of my lover bury it deep within so deep so it cant again reappear and begin day by day i smile with this twinkle in my eye from the sun shining off my retina wearing bright clothes to provide a luminous glow to fool those so they cant truly fathom what lies underneath this disguise my decorum is getting weak it's getting harder for me to speak let alone think because the things that have had the greatest impact on me the most have sprung a leak over flowing seeping through what they know as the twinkle in my eye allowing people to see my cry, but I'm to be strong breaking under pressure asking myself where did i go wrong? i guess i will never know it will all just be a big mystery but my feelings will never leave me there part of my history and well we all know how history has a tendency of repeating it's self. Thank you