Deep Inside

Everything I see is upside down with a blur of sadness all around.

The straining of muscles to form a simple smile that gleams so bright,

But the mourning groans of my heart, is unheard throughout each night.

The deaths of the ones I’ve come to love most of all,

Is what fuels the conformability behind my own solitary wall.

Gritty and cracked from being struck with each piercing death knell,

Provides me with rough, white goose bumps knowing that it’s my definition of hell.

The tender warmth of the word family is what keeps me sane,

And what refrains the screaming and yelling from within my brain.

No matter how twisted a situation might be, never abort,

Because family will always surround you with the strongest scent of support.

The woman who presented me with life was almost lost by God’s inability to decide,

But luckily she still remains standing by my helpless side.

She defeated many odds and many’s biggest fear,

Yet she did all of this in just one painstaking year.

Peers whisper and converse how they’re all so proud,

But one cannot hear over the more important conversations amongst the crowd.

Harder and harder I push to increase the roaring sound of the letters I’ve earned,

And one day I will achieve the booming voices I have always yearned.

Life is too short to not taste the sugary excitement in each moment,

Even if it’s bitter or sweet, bland or tangy, it’s all about enjoyment.

There is a gust of wind for each individual that gently blows,

But it’s up to you to go with or against the flow.

The fresh smell of freedom instills me with a sense of drive.

The right and responsibility to become anything as long as I’m alive,

Colors are seen throughout my glossy eyes instead of black and white,

And it gives me the clear sight of light of how to go about my life.

The murmurs of judgment and lies brings many down a rocky unpaved path.

So listen when I say that Karma bites sharply and willingly so fear its wrath.

Take the time to think before you say or do,

Because in the end you might be known as “the one who.”

Is there a reason I was put on this Earth?

The same contemplated question that has been forced in my mind since birth.

When alone I question my importance in this chaotic life.

But that may change if I become a tending mother and wife.

I am Maria, the literally wished for child.

One that is said to be more rebellious than wild.

Wished by the desperate hearts of my sources,

But when is it my turn to have a wish granted from unknown forces?