Defined

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Trying to be defined by who I am in your eyes,

But what are my definitions,

What are my standards?

When I look in your eyes I see a misrepresentation of the girl that I am

When I hop over hurdles to prove that I meet your standards

You set more as if I will never be good enough to you

As if I will never be enough,

I grew up within a system where titles are important and image is everything,

There are certain expectations expected of you when you are the daughter of a pastor

Can’t seem to make these feelings of insufficiency go away

Always the stranger in the sea of many faces

Growing up I never wanted to be the object of attention

I kept my head down trying not to be noticed

Trying not to attract attention to the fact that I am broken

All because of one man and one moment,

I constantly dreamed of heaven as home,

 

I wondered would they be embarrassed,

If they knew could they even comprehend ,

I wonder if they knew that I was molested would they accept me,

I wonder if they all the times I dreamt of leaving this world behind,

I always wondered if people could see it,

The true sadness behind my eyes that I kept trapped inside,

I wondered if people would love me,

I wondered most of all when the pain of being violated ever goes away,

When the fear goes away,

Must I be afraid of the darkness and the true intentions that others hold within?

Are you hear to harm me? It takes time to decipher whether predator or friend,

Can anyone tell me how long til this all ends

 

My light is touched with darkness and my darkness is illuminated by light,

Often overlooked and often misunderstood,

Because most people only know my present life or past life,

Because if you only know 1 then you don’t know why and how these worlds collide

Two forces of nature filled with greatness and and misfortune...

I wonder can you accept me,

Can you love me as I am,

What I seek I can’t find,

Because as I have gotten older I realize you can’t define me for me,

I am not defined by pedigree or title,

I am not defined by hair or the clothes that I wear,

I am not defined in your inability to see beauty in me

I am not defined by my tragedies,

I am not defined by my failures,

He who is above defines all that I am and all that I will be,

 

Don’t try to define me,

Because that’s a privilege you don’t have,

God said Be not afraid,

So raise your head, don’t look away, step into the queen you were meant to be...

So this is my official introduction I am me...

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