Depressed and on The Edge

All I can say is that my feelings and problems I can't express,

I close them inside and try to make them 'fade away' or better said,

bother no one for my piteous state.

Shut all emotions, hide it all and place a happy face,

no one must know anyway.

Though, I make them build and take the best of me.

Pressure behind my back, neck, and head becomes great.

'Control yourself' I repeat all day

but the pulse released in won't decrease one bit.

To throw and destroy feels like a must

while bloodthirst grows inside my appetite.

Mixed emotions or nothing to feel, is an everyday process as I scream in tears.

Love yourself is what people say, but I can't.

I don't take care and damage every corner of my living self.

Either way, many caused my being state yet wonder what led me to such mess.

Others just stare at my lost gaze.

"I hate everything, I hate everyone,"I yell enraged all day

though in the end,"its me not them."

Suffocation comes in right away, out of air, in dispare.

A tight chest with popping heart beats dominate.

To turn suicidal or snap completely.

Which do I chose? And before I know, blood is shed.

Stop the pain, stop stress, stop it all before everything breaks.

I want someone's help, I want someone to which I can go and make it all fade.

To know I won't say it all but finds everything and gives me a hug.

However, there's no one who will. Though I deeply hope someone appears.