Depression

January 11, 2015

I feel like I have these moments where I think it’s okay if I die.

Like if I were to be diagnosed with a terminal disease,

I wouldn’t be sad or scared to die.

I would just accept it

as if someone had told me that I had a paper due next period that I forgot to write--

that there was nothing I could do about it

so there is no point in getting hung up.

“I feel like I have these moments where I think it’s okay if I die.

Like if I were to be diagnosed with a terminal disease,

I wouldn’t be sad or scared to die.

I would just accept it

as if someone had told me that I had a paper due next period that I forgot to write--

that there was nothing I could do about it

so there is no point in getting hung up,”

I repeated,

but this time aloud.

I wished I had been thinking this for days,

but I’d been thinking it for weeks.

I guess what I meant by that

was things are happy sometimes

and sad other times.

Feelings are ephemeral.

Life is ephemeral.

Sometimes I’m sad and I don’t know why;

there was no particular event or hardship that triggered it.

I’m just sad.

I know that no matter how happy

I might be in one moment,

that happiness will eventually end.

That thought alone

is enough to prevent me from being

happy.

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