Depression

I'm too young to know HIM. That's what they say.

They are wrong.

I'm scarred from the thing that happened, but i'll be fine. That's what they say.

But they are wrong.

I know HIM. HE sleeps in my bed and wakes me in the midst of the night with tiny droplets in my eyes.

HE holds my hand when i walk to school, distracts me during my lessons. Makes reminds me of the lie i tell myself.

You don't know HIM. you just think you know HIM. That's what they say.

They are wrong.

Scarred i may be, but i am not fine. HE tells me so. HE whispers it in my ear as he embraces me in his dark, shadowy arms.

You dont' know what HE looks like. HE is not with you. That's what they say.

But they are wrong.

HE is tall, shadowy, cold yet warm. Harsh yet comforting. He is handsome yet ugly. 

HE stands with me when i brush my teeth. HE tugs my hair and reminds me to get my sweater. HE is caring yet cold. Kind yet cruel. And i'm glad i love him.

HE is not good for you. Take the candies and HE'll cease to exist. That's what they say.

They are wrong.

You are crazy. You do not love HIM and HE cannot love you.

But they are wrong.

HE reminds me that i feel, even if it's pain. HE teases me and pushes me and hurts me badly. But HE also conforts me when HE comes with the droplets of my eyes. The candies just blindfold me for a minute or two before i see HIM again. But being blinded doesn't deafen me nor take my sense of feel. i hear HIM and feel HIM. HE embraces me when i go to sleep and kisses me gently when i wake up. HE is there always, even when Happiness is there. HE loves me because i welcome HIM when no one else would, a warning i could not read. i listen to HIS poisoned words. Everyone pushes HIM away and i just hold him closer. We sit together and speak with one another of the things HE thinks. I love HIM, I hate HIM

HIS name brings feelings of wrong and sorrow, HE sounds nicer. HE is loved by me and i by HIM. HE never leaves my side and hurts me when bored. HE embraces me like a blanket filled with thorns and envelopes me in HIM for no reason at all. HE pokes at me when i'm having a good time and has midnight chats about the Things that happened because it makes me cry and seek HIS comfort.  HIS graceful, painful ways are bitter-sweet and i hate that i love it. HE loves that i hate loving it and constantly makes me feel insane. Makes me feel lost. Makes me feel as it is only HE and I. I and HIM. HE tells me even though i'm surrounded by people, we are alone and no one will join us. We are alone.

That's what HE says.

HE hates me, HE loves me.

And i believe HIS silky soft voice of treason, the voice that lures me into the conforting darkness. I know what HE does and i let HIM. I let HIM drag me into the hole which will keep me. Safe, Secured, Alone. i let HIM, its comforting here. I let HIM. It is my home and where i belong, HE says, after all do we not sleep dark?

HE hates me, I love HIM

Today He asked me to say HIS name. "You are HIM." 'No, my real name.' The muddy letters of HIS name, no longer sweet, fall from my lips upon HIS request. They roll of my tongue like a cold stone, falling until it hits the ground with a heavy thud.

"Depression."