depression

I count to ten and I'm calm, but I swear its all slow motion.

One...

Her yelling echoes through my head over and over, everything she has ever said to make me feel,

worthless.

Two...

I hate her. I hate her. I hate me. I hate her.

Three...

I'm shaking. red tears fall from the hundreds of eyes now open on my thighs. Some overlapping the ones that are forever shut.

Four...

Everything from my childhood that caused me to hate myself comes hurling back and hits me so hard I feel a blackout coming.

Five...

I cant breath. The ground is cold. Red tears cover the floor again. Everything is dark.

Six...

Crying so hard I am gasping for air. I don't know why they hate me. They made me hate me too.

Eight...

My eyes are heavy and the eyes on my thighs are now scabbed. I'm exhausted. I want to sleep, sleep means escape for a little while.

What comes after eight?

I cant think.

My mind is foggy and don't say, know, what, do, red.

Help.

I'm scared.

I don't know who or what.

The walls are going away and I'm shrinking.

ok...

Everything is coming back and I don't wanna be here.

One...

Her yelling echoes through my head over and over, everything she has ever said to make me feel,

worthless.