Depression

It consumes me, this depression of mine.

It was there when I was born,

And it will be there when I die.

It is a feeling that lurks in the depths of my mind;

The dark that comes with no warning.

Was it something I did in my past life?

What could I have done to deserve something so horrible?

The scars

The sleepless nights

The lost relationships

The fear

All for what?

Should I see this as a punishment or a gift in disguise?

Has this depression of mine made me more wise,

Or is it only a weakness?

Maybe I need this dark in order to let my light shine,

But that doesn’t explain the pain.

The pain is endless.

The pain of depression is not a pain that can be wished or cried away.

Its cold.

It paralysing. 

It crawls beneath my skin when I look at my lifeless body in the mirror.

No matter how much I try to change my perspective,

Change my routine,

Or even change my appearance, 

It lurks. 

It hides and attacks at night. 

It doesn’t fucking leave.