depression

I wake up 

mind full of hapiness

and I go about my day 

cuz nobody can stop this

except myself

becuase hidden behind this smile is cry out for help

from the inside

all the pain and suffering that im trying to hide

look into my eyes

and tell me what do you see

a happy a little boy with a little ADHD

he grew up 

a fucking screw up

parents gone and stuck in foster homes drowning out the pain with a bong

but the high only lasts so long

like an athlete

he hits his prime and tells his story

gets old and retires after his final track meet

his physical shape just cant be beat

but nobody can see the pain that he feels 

except me

its the same pain you feel when your surrounded by people

everyone laughing and high fiving

but yet you still feel like a stranger

to the society that your in

becuase your still haunted by the things that happened when you were a kid

nobody will understand that

most people say that thay feel your pain

but they never had stand to stand out in the rain

while your parents fought

and all you can do is play in the yard

with the action figure toys that your parents got

you mimic thier words and G.I. joe throws a punch at barbie

and he relises what he has done and covers it up by saying sorry

and all the truama that you expireced as kid 

still huants you to this day and affects the way you live

and you walk down the halls of a crowded building

cant look anyone in the eye so you look up at the cieling

becuase if one person could look me in the eyes

they could see the pain that im still trying to hide

so throw a hoodie on and nice a pair of sweats

and feel a sense of comfort that you'll never forget

and it's the same comfort that kids would normally get 

but becuase of your parents all you got was neglect

so look at me now and see why I stand out in every crowd

and why im never bothered by the speakers being so loud

becuase the music drowns out the noise

and helps me forget about the time when I was a boy

I just wish I could join my friends and do things that I actually enjoy

but our intrests are so much different

I'd rather hide out in my room and play games with good smelling incents

but thats just me, and the mindset that I live in

and I dont expect anyone reading this to actually get it