Derangement

Derangement My body locks up, my legs get weak Sometimes im unable to physically speak Heart flutters, machines, constant iv's I know the professionals are all judging me Pill after pill, benzos, antipsychotics Hallucinations, dillusions, constantly trying to fight it He's mean and controlling, face red, eyes rolling I count and i count, he's never consoling "Leave me alone" i scream as i lay on the floor The voices wont stop till i reclose that door Hours and hours, repetitive thinking Till my brain locks up and i feel like im sinking I beg you for help, kicking and screaming But nobody cares for a depressed human being Alienated, abandoned, fearful, intoxication If only my mind could take a vacation Rituals, compulsions, nightmares, and voices Never asked for this illness, suffering from bad choices Bad luck, good luck, ill count till it ends But sometimes the end is when it actually begins Closing my eyes, my brains in a lock This is what happens when my mind doesnt stop I think that you're scared, i scare myself too I see in your eyes, i can not blame you Therapist after therapist, icu's, institutions Detox's, ECT's, and lots of confusion Brains a little fucked, im scared and im frightened But today i am sober, and sober I'll fight this.