Desperation

I look around for someone, ANYONE
to lend a helping hand;
I need someone to listen I'm in desperate need of a friend.
But at times like that, when I'm crying out for help, 
All I hear I'm response is silence- and that's what hurts the most.
And at times like that- when I can't maintain,
When the emptiness and the pain- try to take over;
I put on an insincere smile- I laugh and I joke...
All my insecurities are up in smoke- or so I thought...
Because behind the façade- is a pained expression of distraught.
And at times like that, when I have to face the music and I'm left alone and scared, with nobody there- to turn to.
At the end of the night: when the shit hits the fan, and the party's over...
Days like those I can't stay sober.
At times like that,
I never know when enough is enough- and I push myself closer and closer to the edge.
I'm afraid to fall, but at times like that- 
I feel like I already have.