deterioration

as the stars shine out my window

i can only think of the glimmer in his eyes when we kissed for the first time,

before they became dry

and as the cold wind freezes me to the bones

gives me chills to the bones

i can only remember the way he would envelop me

protect me from the cold with his passionate grasp

when he was still warm...

before he became as cold as the December night that haunts my body.

and now as i light on fire with pain of his absence,

even my waterfall eyes can not salvage my wreckage

every time i think of when

he tightened his hold around me

and he said the three words i swore id never let myself believe.

and now as i try to hold on to him

its as if hes letting me slip away,

letting me wash away with the current

to "find other fish in the sea"

but see here

i don't want another fish i just

i just want him.

his touch is the only one that has ever kept me truly safe

and his voice is the only one i could hear over the voices in my mind 

and just his being

just his existence

has a way of healing me.

he is my world

my universe

he is my sky and my sun and my ground he...

he says people are not medicine and that i cannot lean on him for recovery but

though he is not medication he is more like the sweet taste of wine

seeping into my bloodstream for temporary relief.

the only relief i could ever find. 

and now,

as the end creeps so close it 

sends electrical currents through my body every time i look forward

i just wish he was warm

like he once was.