Did You?

April 22, 2013

Everytime I go to tell you what's on my mind I lose control. I feel so much emotions in my heart, mind, body and soul. But for some reason I don't know how to let the truth unfold. Every feeling I left untold and every dream I ever dreamt, I sold. So tell me one thing before I go. Did you ever care when you let the words roll right off your tongue? Did you ever love me so?

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Comments (3)

NikkiMJun 10, 2013

When I got to this line my jaw dropped open: "Every feeling I left untold and every dream I ever dreamt, I sold." WOW! That's powerful stuff. It's also really nice to read aloud, great meter and structure. In the rest of the poem, I'm wondering if you could eliminate some of the "little words," which would boil what you are trying to express to its essence. For example: "Everytime I go to tell you what's on my mind I lose control." Could be: "Everytime I tell you what's on my mind I lose control." Just a suggestion, you do as you wish. But whatever you do, keep writing! Great stuff here.

TGrillzApr 22, 2013

Thank you for the feedback! I really do appreciate it.

MVP-Most Valuable PoetApr 22, 2013

be honest and true to yourself poem evolves around questions that needs answers find out and put it all to rest great job in reflecting on this particular poem im a power poetry mentor