Different

When the others shut their eyes, I kept mine open. I thought about what it would be like to be minuscule, to climb on the statues in church. I thought about what could happen to make me stop kneeling. I always knew I was different. When my teachers told me that the bread was truly Him, I just looked that over. I thought about why the age of reason was so young. I thought about why the other girls in my grade were so mean. I didn't think I was that different. When my nana was so excited about me getting confirmed, I was just dreading the two hour classes. In class, I thought about what they said was real, and how I thought it was fiction. I thought about what would happen if I told my parents I wasn't so sure about really joining the church. But I didn't want people to think I was different. When that time came, I knew I had to look at high schools. I thought about why I was so sad all the time, about why my parents didn't like me anymore. I thought about why the public schools in my area were so bad. But at that point, I wanted to be different. When I chose my school, I didn't realize their emphasis on religion. I thought about how I'd always just accepted Jesus as my savior. I thought about how everyone was so quick to judge a non Catholic. All over again I felt different. When I realized I couldn't keep my mouth shut, I fought. I thought about how I was so angry at God for taking away my friend. I thought about how the girls praying in front of the abortion center had no room to judge. I was just so different. When I finally realized that I had never felt God before, I became sad. I thought about how it was just my luck that He had never sent a sign that He cared. I thought about how I wanted Him to go to Hell for making me so different. Making me gay, making me depressed. Not that many people liked me; Probably because I was different. ---------------------------------- When I got to my lowest point, I knew I had to change. I thought about how I needed to believe in myself, and not a man that I do not know. I thought about all the reasons there are to live, without a 3000 year old book telling me the rules. I was okay with being different When people ask me why I go to a Catholic school still, I tell them that I value my education. I think about all the wonderful relationships I've formed, all the teachers that have cared about me no matter what my faith. I think about all the great Christians I've met, all the Bible trivia I've learned. I like being different. It makes me who I am. And if there is a God above I hope He likes me, too.