The different flows of my life

Sometimes I feel like I am being cast about in a river, tossed back and forth to and fro without a sense of direction. Other times I'm atop of the water drifting slowly across the surface, the water is the same so what has changed in my mind? Life is grabbing me throwing me over it's shoulder and running down a hill as fast as it can. Other times I'm lying lazy and a hammock with the wind gently blowing me back and forth. On one hand I am a tense, exhausted victim of life, and on the other I am am fully enjoying everything life has to give me. My biggest struggle is that I don't feel as though I have a choice. I can't pick what feel. Life is happening to me I don't know how to stop that.