"Digging for Self"

Used to fly so high on achieve/ Now my energy I'm trying to retrieve/Best believe this is not just a feel/ Pinching me hard, I know that it's real/ Though hoping in surreal/ This milk I continue to spill/ All over the floor/ More and more/ never ceasing to pour/ until empty/ Leaving me bare/ Barely able to re-fill/ the thrill/ my "I can'ts" becoming I will/ Yet in still/ I fight/all throughout the day/ and in the middle of the night/ Losing sight of myself/ Self-less, the mirror is beginning to fog/ I'm a lady, not the " b word" meaning a dog/ Respecting me first/ For a drink of mannerism, I thirst/ Taking back the gentleness of a gentleman, removing the curse/ After I re-kindle my self-esteem fire to be blazed across the Earth/ Birthing a woman who knows her worth/ Worthy of more than a one-night stand/ Worthy of more than feeling complete by man/ Worthy of more than being controlled until the game is overplayed and beat/ Worthy of more than a soaking pillow of tears until I've fallen asleep/ Worthy of more than a temporary song that somehow ends on repeat/ I repeat " I AM MORE"/ Deep within my very Core/ I store beauty/ Past a guy's version of a "cutie"/ Cooking up French like Ratatouille/ Stewing up and tasting a different language than society/ Aiming to the likeness of propriety/ Properly engaging in white/ Colored black in human sight/ Placing an automatic leash on tight/ Remembering the high school questioning of being bright/ Talking about a fire in my ma that did ignite?!? ha/ Lightly taken/ Never/ Sizzling on high like bacon/ Never allowing my abilities to be mistaken/ Shaken this earthquake of belittlement/ No longer needing everyone's sentiment/ Relent-less to a better I / To LIVE and not die/ in the dark/ Searching currently for the spark/ Parked, but drive is drawing near/ To reach heights and silence fear/ Out of the tunnel and in the light to appear/ Beyond colored like a crayon or marker/ Brown-skinned so please don't continue to shade in any darker/ Beyond a brain full of neutrons/ Beyond my small size like croutons/ Beyond a woman formed out of a rib/ Beyond "a once upon a time" baby who required a bib/ Beyond hair that is viewed as "good or bad"/ Beyond the talents I do or at one time had/ Beyond a piece of paper that clears me as "elite"/ Beyond the wealth of a regular or first-class seat/ There I'll shine and confidently stand/ As a HEARTBEAT/ not of a man-made " classified" brand.