Disassociation

"Because I Love You"

He says. 

He crawls on top of me

His breath is hot and his clothes

smell of the whole bar. 

"Because I Love You"

He growls as he tears at my shirt.

I plead-

I plead and he doesn't stop.

I wasnt aware that love

or a relationship

meant yes. 

"Because I Love You"

He pants, and I begin to disassociate my body from myself

This isnt my sweat

The white substance between my legs isn't mine

But then I gather myself.

This blood is mine

These tears are mine.

I am not his

 I leave.

     And with time

   help

And l o v e

I find my own soul again.

"Because I love you"

My sister says as she walks me to my car at night

"Because I love you"

My husband says as he buys my favorite icecream from the grocery store

"Because I love you"

My father says as he fixes the broken sink

"Because I love you"

I tell

myself

As I wake up

And find the courage to find the world before me.