discover

for children, discovery is constant

13 was an age where i’d argue if the word “child” still applied to me, but i think it did

i discovered something

something life changing

i've kept it close since then

organs have use outside of my body

i stain the crater of my white porcelain

i dont like running through the dark part under the bridge

being chased by something with many teeth

not there when i look, it always finds itself two steps behind me

spinning as i wait in desperation for the next pair of passing headlights that show a path

people dissapate before i can see their faces

they come near. i hold my breath.

wish i wasnt wearing gloves, the heat makes the cold worse

i really really notice it

if i wasnt wearing gloves, my hands would be cold enough, i could hold a glass bottle of coke and wouldnt be able to tell

if i wasnt wearing these gloves

if i wasnt wearing these gloves i’d be able to hold my bikes handle bars

hurts to breathe it hurts to breathe it hurts to breathe

searching symptoms, hoping the spinning manifests without sickness embedded within, somehow 

it didnt do anything

i didnt change

i didnt change

i didnt change

but some things make him go away

it dresses up in my coats and uses the lamp shade as a head

i check behind the shower curtain for him.

i learned at 13

pushing my horrible knees against the cold tiles and pushing two young fingers down my throat will make him go away