Distant Father

Where do I begin? My adult hood, Child hood or maybe even my birth

I guess I will start where I was too young to know for sure 

But where I thought you would love me first

It's no secret as I grew older towards you so did my anger

Not because you hurt me physically or anything nah 

Simply because the man that I was suppose to love and teach me 

was nothing but a stranger.

See as childern my brothers and I we didn't know any better

So even after not seeing you after a long time 

when you did show up nothing else really matter.

I remember sometimes me and my brothers would be waiting on you to show,

and we would have our bags pack.

Our mother would let us sit and wait so we would learn the truth for ourselfs

knowing we would soon ask her Mommy where is Dad at?

She never said it to us, but I know her watching us wait for an empty promise

Broke her inside

She had to answer the toughest questions that you should have answered

Like where and Why?

Where is he why we don't we see him and does he really not care?

She had to play Mommy and Daddy even though to her that wasn't fair.

See you may say that's not enough to explain the way I feel towards you

Or should I say the way I did.

See it was the stories I would later learn and witness with my own eyes

that I couldn't get out of my head.

Like you beating on her while she was pregnant with my little brother

and pushing her down the stairs.

Your side of that story if I'm being truthful I don't care to hear

before you say she told us lies your sister my favorite Aunt 

had things to say well

but that would be for me to see things clear so that part I won't tell.

I remember you taking us from a church and putting

what I perceived as gun to my mothers head while choking her

I can remember like yesterday the spilling of the fruit cup

and just thinking to myself he's really hurting her.

That day would change the way I looked at you for the rest of my life

after that loving you and hating you became a constant fight. 

You and I today I would say is like Oil and water 

but I want you to know I don't hate you I still love you my Distant Father 

We may never see each and may never even speak again, but I pray for you 

Like I did for myself that you truely find peace within.

To the man that raised me and love me unconditionally your distant 

but in a different way 

God needed his angel back so here you could nolonger stay

I miss you so much and I know mom does too

I couldn't and wouldn't be the man I am if it wasn't for you.

Because of you Billy from Philly I love differently and for that I'm glad 

So Heavenly father I thank you for taking care of my Now Distant Dad.