Disturbed Emotions

I pushed you away thinking you would fade away

but you didn’t…

I thought I didn’t want to remain with you, almost avoided you

but nothing was true…

I wanted to explore dating guys to find out all the lies

All these connection ties are useless…

Instead of knowing you for who you are, I cut deep in your scars

To make you run away but you stayed longer than winter months

You kept trust and didn’t focus on the lust like fresh dough into crust

Harsh emotions showing an ugly side in which I didn’t confide in

The other half of a Gemini I don’t want to look into those eyes

That reflect judgement instead of love…

If only I could conceal the superficial realm, then I could see

The perfection in front of me comprised of genuine, loyal, caring companion

I thought negative like a corrupted cannon when not in my favor

To run from emotions and have freedom of singleness an ultimate waiver

All these irrational thoughts will be written on paper

A potential relationship can form but I rather pick it apart to create a storm

I will never find what I am looking for since it doesn’t exist

I need to accept and go after the one who persists

Can’t I be your motivator, supporter, believe in you to advance in your capabilities?

That is uplifting not being cynical. critical or conniving that is conflicting

All this time I have been twisted not comprehending or acknowledging my reality

Since the photographic image of “happy” is blurred, incomplete

I felt depleted though I have capacity for firmness and choice

I am impeding the growth of something beautiful or living up to my values

Its pitiful, I lied to myself when I repeated “I am scared of commitment”

When I was occupied seeking it among the crowd though I am not proud

I could not seek that in you…

Right now my heart and energy is being wasted

On something I am unsure of, love I can hardly taste it

I can’t predict the future but I can operate on my present

The painful ride was endured, nothing I adore but there are many stars at night

Depends where you look, that’s what it’s meant for…