Do I Dare?

Do I dare?

Do I dare shatter how you portray me?

Crack the mirror

Breaking how you know me to pieces,

Breaking how you think you know me to pieces.

Do I dare drown you in my pain?

The pain of past losses

The pain of past friends

Successfully attempting their suicidal deaths

Do I dare tell you the truth?

The truth about who I am

The fact that I pretend

Put on a counterfeit smile and pretend everything’s okay.

Do I dare say who I truly am?

That I’m asexual

With continuous social anxiety

Never really sure what to do around people.

Do I dare show my social anxiety?

Pretend everything’s okay when I’m scared inside

Show you how fragile I am

Show you how shattered I already am.

Do I dare break this facadé I created?

Fracturing everything I’ve worked so hard to create

Just to show my true emotions, how I really feel

And to be laughed at by my peers

Do I dare take a chance?

To put myself out there

To care about someone

Just to have them push me aside into my growing darkness

Do I dare care for anyone?

Because the last time this happened I couldn’t save them

They died on my watch

And I had to stand by, left here with the aftermath wondering what I could’ve done

Do I dare share my feelings, emotions?

Attach myself to another

When I feel that everyone I care about

Just leaves me in the end, one way or another

Do I dare care about life anymore?

It’s already wasted on me, a corpse of a being

Already half eaten, wasting away

To the point where I feel that keeping it short is best

Do I dare tell my friends?

How I truly feel

How I hate myself for my past

Not being able to help anyone

Do I dare be happy?

“Frolick in the flowers” is what they’ve told me

“Just release your sadness”

Yet you don’t know me nor have you ever spoken to me before now

Do I dare yell back at you?

Tell you how you’re wrong

How I’ll never change

How I am who I am.

Do I dare love who I am?

Yes.

With all my insecurities and faults

I will always make mistakes

But it’s how I overcome them.

Do I dare stand up for myself? For others?

I will always try my best

Even though some people need space or push me down

I feel that I need to find courage in my broken, bandaged heart

Do I dare speak my mind? Show my true colors?

I’m not sure, nor will I ever be sure

Yet I know that my true friends,

The ones that helped bandage my heart

The ones that helped repair my shattered self

Will always let me be who I am

Thanks to all who have let me be me

But the question still stands

Do I Dare?