Do I have to be broken?

It seems these days the only way to be considered for anything is to be a battered, broken, shell of a person.
 The scholarships, the colleges, they want survivors
 They want the best story
But what about me?
Painfully middle-class.
Too rich for help but too poor to help myself
My scars don’t breach the surface
 They lie under a blanket of a forced smile
Because there are people who are "worse off” than me so I should "count my blessings”
But what if my fingers are to numb to count?

What if I spend my nights wondering what happens if my “perfect” lie is shattered
 Perfect daughter, perfect family, perfect situation.
But no its not
I'm stifled
 I’m crushed by the need to hold up this facade
Its foundation smothering me, I can’t breathe
- But I can’t say that.
Because there are others "worse off" than me so I should “count my blessings”
 But what if my fingers are too numb to count?

Too busy filling out a GPA on an application
 A GPA that I should be proud of but am too afraid to lose to enjoy
 It shouldn’t define me, but it does
That's all that seems to matter
 Thats the only question people ask, they don’t care about how I’m doing
Because there are other’s "worse off" than me so I should “count my blessings”
But what if my fingers are too numb to count?

Too busy holding myself together
-I’m breaking at the seams but the seamstress has no time for me
 Because there are others "worse off" than me so I should “count my blessings”
But what if my fingers are too numb to count?

 Because they’re busy grasping at who I used to be.
 I search.
I scream.
But I don’t make a sound.
 Because there are others "worse off" than me so I should "count my blessings”

Not scream in frustration that I’ll never be
Good enough
Poor enough
Rich enough
Hurt enough
Happy enough
I’m painfully average in an extraordinary way and its stifling.
 
I’m that girl who you think has it all together
 The girl who cries herself to sleep because she has no shoulder to cry on
Because there are others "worse off" than me so I should "count my blessings"
But what if my fingers are too numb to count?

Is there a prize for that?
For holding myself together by a thread because someone else needs the tape more than me?

Do I have to be broken?
Is that what they want?
 Because that alone leaves me grasping

But my fingers are too numb to grasp anymore.

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