Do You Care?

The rain pours steadily
And I breath heavily
My hands clench angrily
But my eyes shine sadly
My tears glisten wetly
Why? I ask silently
Why her....
My eyes brim with tears
But I won't cry
Not here.
I promised that I would try
I put on my suit, and a tie
Batting away endless questions
"Was it peaceful? When she died."
Why do they ask me?
As if I'm the most important part
Of her family
She has a mom to dammit
But she's to "grief stricken"
And my dad, hiding like a hermit
From his little girls death...
It's hard for me to you know!
See my sister like that...
Death in tow
The people attending the funeral
Are in a row 
To look at my sister
Some may even kiss her
Say things like
"Such a tragedy" or "I'll miss her"
And I have to stand there
With the rain soaking through my hair
Her question echoing 
"Do you care?"
I choke back a sob
Of course I cared!
That's why I'm standing here
Not a single tear
That's what she wanted 
Along with her funeral dress to be red
It will be festive, she said
Lighten the mood for the dead
I smile faintly 
Even close to death she stays witty
More looks my way
Old people remembering me play
As she watched over me
The big sister, who always said ok...
Sadness
Deep, gut wrenching sadness
With out her, I am less.
I brush my hand across my cheek
It's the rain, leaving a streak
Without her, my life is bleak
I never left her
Those last few weeks
As she died of cancer
Just sat in that chair
And complained to god
This isn't fair!
Do you care?
My heart twists
That doctor and his stupid list
Explaining all the things wrong 
It was so long...
She died, my hand in hers
She never let me take care of her
Her reason being 
"Because I'm older"
Such a great sister
But it came with a fee
She said, Don't cry for me if you would
I can't bear your sadness...
I never could.