Do You Remember Me?

Do you remember me?

The scared little girl

Hiding and shivering

Silently weeping

To avoid being heard

Over the sound of her parents’

Ruthless words

In the closet

On the floor

As her parents’ voices thundered

Through the walls

And through the doors

“Will it ever end?” she wondered.

Through cupped hands

Over small ears

While fearfully huddled in the dark

Wishing she could simply

Disappear

With every abusive word they barked

Words hurled at the other

Malicious, cold-hearted

Each one more potent than the last

When just as quickly

As it all had started

The furious storm of words had passed.

Silence.

It was nearly as deafening as the squall

I peel my hands from my tiny ears

And press one against the wall

Silence.

Except the sound of my racing heart

I wait in vain

For a comforting embrace

As I hear my father depart

He’d make his way home eventually

Carrying the stench of Bacardi

And words unspoken

And my mom

She'd make us all dinner again

Pretending our family wasn’t broken

In the meantime

I’d find her silently weeping

Trying to avoid being heard

She needed me

And a comforting embrace

To ease the kindred pain we both incurred

I wrap my arms around my sobbing mother

Hoping she’ll do the same

“Get the fuck away from me”

As she spittles through my name

Defeated by rejection

I limp back to my room

My 5-year old mind says, “I am bad.”

This is my fault, I assume

How could I know any better?

No one told me any differently.

So when my 36-year old mind says, “I am bad.”

Do you remember me?