Don't know what to think

I’ve lost a lot, ones losing sleep, the memory’s are so deep that when I need to play by the rules I remember the past. Things happen so fast. But the new will begin. The random spots and places I get put in, sometimes I feel like life’s all ready to end. Losing myself is another, it’s difficult to be who I am. Not only running in circles outside of this world but also in my head. Most days and night I just wanna be lazy and never get out of bed. A lot of cries and tears wanna come out, but I hold a lot inside to we’re I can’t even shout. Pretending I’m okay most days, but I try to keep to myself known that I have a lot to say. People say things are easy you just gotta push yourself through, and push the bad away, know in your head who really deserves to stay.