The Door

I self deprecate because I can't appreciate what I have who I am that I'm alive Uncle Walt said it best that you are here that life exists and the powerful play goes on But the play's just another day Another day to drink away the fears, and tears and lonely years I am the greatest guard of my own prison I cannot unlock this cell I'm sitting in if you call, I will not listen send me a text i will not open how I long to be forgiven because for me, happiness is forbidden I deserve this I deserve this says who? says the voice in your head as you're curled up in your bed like a child in a thunderstorm boom, pop, is it getting warm under the sheets, where you hide again running, running, running you can't escape it it's overtaking your very consciousness yet your selfishness won't let you free if you could just believe me that the door is right there it's right there no lock just a handle there's no risk and no gamble but you can't even approach it because you fear it because the other side could be pain or embarrassment or shame but what if it's love or an angel sent from above what if it's friendship or a random act of kindness will you let go of the blindness that stops you from trying to accept just a glimmer of hope to at least reach before you fall to try to pick up a call, to connect not build a wall I know it hurts I know how hard your heart beats like a drumline on fourth of july how it feels to look someone in the eye who may end up tearing you apart I know it hurts to remember a memory to not believe in family when your father crushed yours at its knees and it needs no explanation why the very foundation was formed on a series of lies that you so well understand because the place where you stand is where you expect to fall don't anticipate the fall or you will live in fear forever you deserve? you deserve this. and that. and ra-ta-fucking-tat. even a child can understand. it's as simple as breathing. in. and. out. the door is there you can go in, or stay out but if you stay out understand that the place where you stand will be your grave should you be riddled by fear but if you go in understand that the place where you stand will be but a place where you have once been.