Doubtful Contemplation

I tell myself, "Take it easy, chill out."

Don't be so hard on yourself.

But I just fill up with doubt

Thinking about that pain

Even though it stabs and twists,

Because pressing into the wound,

I figure how I could've done it differently.

How am I supposed to compromise

When wherever I look I see demise.

You say my mind is dark

Why is that so bad?

The only time I don't feel the pain

Is when I close my eyes.

Nowhere feels like home

Tis the reason I roam.

Self pity, it's not the answer, I know.

But come on, man. Sometimes it's unbearable.

I live to servers others, to leave the world a better place.

Yet life feels like just a race.

I need to get there sooner than you

But instead I'd like to steal a hug or two.

I'd like to feel the warmth of a loving smile

That no one will give a person on trial.

But these words won't form on my mouth.

I move on from this contemplation.

I tell myself, "Take it easy, chill out."