Down and Out

I often wonder why I am, the way I am. I always wonder why I can't figure out, who I am. It all just isn't easy. You try to put your emotions into words, all you get is more pain. You try to turn your emotions into happiness, it starts to rain outside. I seem to get more and more... Depressed, But I don't know why. Some people say I should know why.. I feel the way I do, Smell the way I do, Just get angry out of the blue, Just don't know what to do. What am I suppose to say to something- I simply don't have an answer for. Get it? When I do try.. I usually come up with.. I feel this way because... The sky is blue, my sister is not with me anymore, I miss my father, my family, a piece of me just isn't here, my life feels so messed up, I don't feel smart, beautiful, or talented. However, When I look at other people, keep in mind that I don't know them, I think to myself, beauty, blessed, lucky, loving family, nice style, happy... But who knows really, it's just what I see. On the flip side when I read my book- about me... I find a whole story, no good in it. It's like all the negative over-weighs the positive. I just don't know what to do. My future depends on this, and I don't know where to start to change this. I wish I could take my eyes out and wash them clean, put them back and make things like they should be seen. For now, I am sadly down and out.