Down the Hall and to the Right

When I was a kid, we had a mouse problem My mom started putting traps around the house - I hated the thought of killing them, so I made a huge fuss about not putting any in my room - She hid one under my bed anyway - At some point, an odor began to hang in the air in my room Thick, and sharp, and something adjacent to sweet It made my stomach turn - I guess a mouse got unlucky But my mom couldn't find the trap- My bedroom smelled like death for weeks I'm sure it went away eventually, but I never really stopped smelling it - It's a scent I'll never forget Something in the air just now carried that same awful odor into my lungs One breath and I'm back in that room Maybe 10 years old, laying in bed buried in pillows and paralyzed by terror Like I was so many nights growing up, Living a nightmare that only got worse when I closed my eyes - Dreams so horrible I usually escaped by dying Because even my subconscious couldn't imagine a way out - I hate that my body has the power to bring me back there I hate that no matter how much time and distance, I can't escape it No matter how much I want to cut myself away from everything I was My body is a pistol And the world is full of itchy trigger fingers - And someday it's gonna kill me