The Downfall

5 a.m throwing up in this routine Thinking to myself I'm only 16 Family screaming in my ears You can have kids just wait ten years Then there's you With your eyes of blue Telling me everything will work out Telling me not to stress out We were only sophmores Unaware of what the world had in store And she was only 6 weeks No wings to fly, no right to speak I was only sixteen You told me I was strong You told me that my choice wasn't wrong We both knew it wasn't my choice We both knew we didn't have a voice Our families words over flowed our minds Nobody told us we were going to be fine They all just laid out the simplest line Solve the problem, and don't worry about time She was only 6 weeks, I was only sixteen Depression embraced me I couldn't accept the loss of my baby You held me those nights as I cried But i blamed myself, because of me she died Eventually my hurt spread to you Neither of us knew what to do We learned to cope, we picked a gender We picked a name, and things got better but the pain and my heart continued to grow You coped, you began to let go I envied your strength and ability to be free because the memory was still haunting me I was only sixteen. We fought for weeks on end You told me to let go and let my life begin I blamed you for forgiving so soon We were over so quick one afternoon One year and four months over like that Because I couldn't accept that we couldn't get her back I hated myself for so long after I hated the sound of any child's laughter I hated myself for pushing you away So i guess, I'm writing this so I can finally say At 16, I gave my daughter back to god At 16, my life was more than just odd I blamed you for letting me do it I blamed myself for going through with it I pushed you away because I couldn't take the pain You walked away because you hated the reign I don't blame you for leaving My actions were deceiving I just want you to know I've finally let her go I've accepted where she is I've let go of all this I'm no longer in denial I know this took awhile But i just want to thank you for helping me through Now I'm in glory But I am so sorry I don't want you back Love for you is what I lack I just wanted to apologize For hiding behind such a disguise I know now you were trying to help So i've given out my final yelp I'm sorry for being me But I'm happy that I'm finally free And to my daughter cute as can be Please try hard not to blame me I wasn't ready for all you would endure I know in ways my intentions were unpure I love you my angel and all you could be but please understand, I was only 16