downward

Shits wild, panic spirals,

Head is numb, mind is dumb,

The blinking lights, the scary noises,

The beating of the hearts from everyone around you,

The people talk, the trees laugh,

Phasing in and out of what we know as an existence,

Sudden stares, the silent laughs,

Worthless stupid damaged brain,

Slinging potions, what they think we need,

Stuck in the neck by a needle to suppress,

Then, nothing.

No feelings, no joy,

The thousand mile stare prominent,

People ask you why you’re so silent,

The suppressant closes around your neck,

People thinking dying is cool,

Who are you?

Where are they from?

It doesn't matter, crumple those dreams,

Take the dreams of being a therapist and trade them for a gown and meds,

Look me in the eye,

Pull the trigger and get a surprise,

Who'd have known they would cry?

take a deep breath,

Knowing you’re coming home to an angry mess,

Knowing that there is nothing you can do,

Hating that you’re crying,

The pounding,

Kids laughing, at you?
Pulse quickens,

Feet stumble,

The quick side glances,

Light headed,

The shadows dance,

do it Do it DO it DO IT,

Vision tunneling,

Knees shaking,

It's right there, it's Right There,

Grab ahold,

Shake them loudly,

Cry out to all around,

Let the demons go for just a second,

Watch their faces show concern,

Feel the cold fingers around your neck,

Know that they won't know,

Know that your illness is eating away at your brain,

We talk through a screen,

Never face to face,

They’ll run, far away,

You love him,

He despises you,

You want him to know how you feel,

He turns away everytime,

Love me dammit. 

Make me feel wanted.

Make me feel worthwhile.

Breathe,

Smile,

Breathe,

Smile,

Hide it,

Mask it,

Hide it,

Mask it,

Hello, welcome to shop,

Please have a good time,

Thanks for letting your son smash the avocados,

No i can't work overtime,

Guess i'm working overtime,

An hour till closing,

An hour till an explosion,

Hurt,

Pain,

Hurt,

Pain,

Walking home,

Why is that shadow there?

He's following you.

Run.

Run.

He’ll kill you.

RUN.

Home again,

Close and lock the cage,

Dodge a beer can,

Avoid eye contact.

Do

Not

Incite

The 

B e a s t.

Lock the door,

Lay on your bed,

Think of pokemon,

Charizard.

Bulbasaur.

Squirtle.

Don’t look.

Jigglypuff.

Spearrow,

It's crawling over.

Reshiram,

Kyogre,

Stop. 

Spin, left, right, turn,

Feet flat on the ground,

Panic,

The closet. It's safe.

Throw open the door,

Tumble in and let it close,

The thumping on the door louder than last night,

Press your back to the door,

Just like he taught you,

Listen intently,

There go the legos,

The papers been ripped,

Swearing and fire burns through the room,

Now crying,

Cheeks wet with the dreams that once were,

Door beaten down,

Hinges gone,

Face it.

Look him in the eyes,

Say you aren't afraid,

Feel the cold metal connect with your leg,

Then hip,

Neck,

Arm,

Leg,

Face.

Sniffle in defiance as he rears back for another one,

Brace,

Open your eyes,

Back home.

Jojo’s bizarre adventure blaring in the background.

Broken glass,

Gash on your arm,

Blood on the floor.

Mop it up,

Smoke a fag,

Pull out the phone.

Hover over their name,

They understand,

Reach out to a friend-

No.

Call bre,

He knows whats u-

No.

They don't care.

Who cares?

Not me.

Snap out of it,

Call omi,

He's coming,

But not fast enough.

The swell forms in your chest as you begin to cry again,

Hurt

Alone,

Scared,

Omi?

Omi.

Now you are inside,

Being talked to by your friend,

As he bandages the all to normal wounds on your arm,

As he strokes your untamable hair,

As he lets you cry into him,

You think,

Just for a second,

What it'd be like to hold onto him and fade away,

Just a different dream,

Wash up,

Omi brought takeaway,

Cuddle up,

Color,

Laugh,

Alarm,

Omi has to go,

Wait.

No.

Don’t go.

Don't take my happy away.

I'm not ready for it to be gone.

Omi, omi please.

The door shuts.

A silent breath.

Look down at the clock,

The numbers don't make sense,

Nothing ever does anymore.