Dreaded Dreams of The Night

I sleep only to stay awake My dreams so vivid, that my deep slumber goes to waste I dream of awful things Of shaking and jerking uncontrollably, endlessly Of seeing myself being cut open, witnessing the beautiful crimson blood flow from its horrendous vessel, finally free And then I awaken Not knowing whether I rise from my slumber out of fear or awe Fear of these terrifying beauties coming to life Or in awe of my constant realization of the angelic horror bestowed upon me in my imprisoned state of mind No, I have decided I hate my dreams because I never awaken from them I wake up from one nightmare only to live in another I am the epitome of the endless cycle of pain Bound to hospitals like metal to a magnet Never meant to fly, not even free in my sleep Never blessed with the bliss of dreamt delusion Always forced to face reality I try everyday to get lost in my mind, only to be denied by the cruel tortures of life It is as if I subconsciously enjoy my own suffering Help me Please help me escape LET ME OUT LET ME OUT OF MY HEAD please… I can't take it anymore You don't know what it's like It's as if you mentally defile yourself in all aspects of your pitiful existence I truly can't find a reason to bear it all Yet I do Why? Maybe that is what these disgusting dreams hope to tell me Manipulating me like a little girl manipulates her dolls No escape, no mercy, just a bystander in my own body Such ingenious tactics to help me answer the reasoning behind each of my ongoing pitiful breaths So I look closely as I watch myself suffer, hoping to find why I keep suffering, or why I love it so much The mystery intoxicates me Why am I alive? HAHAHAHAHA IT'S SUCH. A FUNNY. QUESTION. That needs an even funnier answer I MUST find it Now every night this is what I recite, to try and see the moonlit light, summoned by my mortal fright Dreams Oh Dreaded Dreams, what do you seek to birth from this pain, what is the gain of keeping me as your puppet, do you wish for me to be decrepit? No, you are not that kind, so here I offer you my heart, in return for my mind, do you dare agree to bargain with me this one last time? Because I am sure to lose, I just wish for some everlasting peace of mind.