Dream Big

I’m scared
that my only big ambitions
are venturing away
from actually being art
they say activism is art
but it seems just like
crying politics
when I do it
and whining
yes
lots of whining
and I don’t want to
forever be
a whining machine
I want to be the gliding thing I was
I want to be the cuddles into fat rolls mother
I want to be the devilish smile
I want to be the purple prose
I want to be the voice striking through
I want to be whatever it was that I was before
and I feel like I need to rip myself to shreds
in order to find the seed that got buried by hurt
because I am not growing into
someone I am proud of
and that is terrifying