Dreams

in my dreams, i never weep im happy to be alive a future i can see thats when i face the harsh reality its just dream one that i cant reach so i think of a beach where i let the waves wash over me think of a world where he likes me where i like me where i dont lose it where I'm not a nuisance sometimes i feel translucent and you act so clueless my brain is abusive all my dreams have been lucid there are days when i feel so useless sometimes i reconsider my drug usage tired of tying nooses around you, i feel like a mutant my heart i will ruin just to make sure you glue it back together i may be calm and collected on the surface on the inside im scared and nervous my dream to not be so mean to beam to gleam that is nothing more than a dream because im splitting at the seems injecting seratonin into my bloodstream pumping my heart full of morphine then maybe my dreams will become a reality they'll be white clouds as far as the eye can see because when you hate yourself to a certain degree you start to feel like a 39 year old divorcee all alone and i groan the pain sinking down to the bone i feel like a clone like a bird that has flown repeatedly against glass my heart feels torn i feel like wrapping your hand around a thorn this is something no one ever did warn me about and i could've sworn i remember him being so warm then it stops and my body flops and my dream comes true