Dreams

in my dreams,
i never weep
im happy to be alive
a future i can see
thats when i face the harsh reality
its just dream
one that i cant reach
so i think of a beach
where i let the waves wash over me
think of a world where he likes me
where i like me
where i dont lose it
where I'm not a nuisance
sometimes i feel translucent
and you act so clueless
my brain is abusive
all my dreams have been lucid
there are days when i feel so useless
sometimes i reconsider my drug usage
tired of tying nooses
around you, i feel like a mutant
my heart i will ruin
just to make sure you glue it
back together
i may be calm and collected on the surface
on the inside im scared and nervous
my dream
to not be so mean
to beam
to gleam
that is nothing more than a dream
because im splitting at the seems
injecting seratonin into my bloodstream
pumping my heart full of morphine
then maybe my dreams will become a reality
they'll be white clouds as far as the eye can see
because when you hate yourself to a certain degree
you start to feel like a 39 year old divorcee
all alone
and i groan
the pain sinking down to the bone
i feel like a clone
like a bird that has flown
repeatedly against glass
my heart feels torn
i feel like wrapping your hand around a thorn
this is something no one ever did warn me about
and i could've sworn
i remember him being so warm
then it stops
and my body flops
and my dream comes true

This poem is about: 
Me

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