Drowning in a cloud of nothing

Most people think of depression as a type of sadness

A sadness that envelops you

Or stands over you like a cloud

A dark one, heavy, and full of rain

But to me

It’s different

It’s a painful silence

A cloud of fuzz that just won’t leave me alone

A white noise 

Or a heavy feeling that seems to swallow me

I’m not sad

I don’t feel

I’m numb

As wrong as it seems, I wish I were sad

I wish I felt

Something 

I wish I could put a name to this

This feeling that won’t go away

This feeling that isn’t a feeling

I wish I had the key

To this lock that’s holding who I used to be hostage

In a box I can’t even find

What am I supposed to do?

I’m just one little seashell on a beach full of thousands

But the waves won’t leave me alone

They’re trying to drown me

Help