Drowning out the Pain

Driving in the rain Listening to it hit the window 

While its drowning out the pain

Is that why I'm insane?

Is it just something in my brain

It's like I'm all chained up In my thoughts 

Why is it so emotionally draining

Only because I have nothing to gain 

On my way to the front range

Wishing I was in Spain With the main

We should just bored a plane

Maybe then I can say I'm sane

Who am I kidding my past is stained

like red wine spilt over white carpet an it's been implanted to my brain

Why can't it just be detained

I just want to start popping champagne bottles although that reminds me of how I explode in my own domaine

As I watch my vein collapse cause of the shame of living hopelessly witch you may call in humane

I just need help to maintain

My mental train stay on the tracks I'm on some rough terrain

I tell my story in this form to solve my problems and entertain

I use marry jane to cope with all the pain that has been drowned out by the rain

I just want to fly away like this worry less crane soaring through the sky

I'm just preordained for what I want next

like I'm starting a campaign with my Great Dane

he's been the only loyal thing in this world full of global devastation

I just thought I would have moral support by blood

that showed me enormous amount of  betrayal

"my family" that portrayed to be such wonderful people

that just ended up hurting me

and that's why I have a blade

you can't trust anyone or anything not even commercials about cascade

why can't I have a family that aids me instead of constantly spraying me with raid

like I'm some pest hiding in the window shade

I'm just fading away slowly as they watch me and still no care

why did God make me pay

I prayed to God everyday asking for a family to just care and love me

but I just got played

now that I am getting good grades 

I thought someone would come into my life but of course they didn't

cause there light years away

and I've tried I'm just exhausted trying to make my way

while I'm so afraid of everyone that crosses I'm my own blockade

how can I convey that everything will be okay

when I am consistently degraded cause I'm homeless

I feel like just cause I look frayed I get judge ever fucking day

I started to run from my problems

I ran and ran tell I ended up in a glade

I spun around an seen just groves for miles surrounded me

it was like I was in a maze

when I laid there it made it where I'm not so gray anymore

my heart doesn't need a lade to be picked up anymore

once I hit reality again I just start using that spade to dig those thoughts out of my brain

they won't go away so I tried using a hand grenade to blow that strayed feeling away

I have tried everything to make all these feelings go away

I even tried playing in the arcade

it still made me some how think about just wanting to feel loved

I feel like my whole life has been a game of charades

that I'm still acting out The card red "always be happy"

I need to evade my head and maybe just take a little drive

even if it's just to palisade

or just go to that masquerade

and live my life and feel unafraid

have a nice cold glass of lemonade

with people that wouldn't trade me

or chose someone else over me

every time someone new came into their lives like a maid

or persuade them to stay as I slowly decay

and all I needed was just one person to help delay my thoughts

as I am wading in the ocean full of tears that I created

and the little boat I'm floating on with the suicide note I wrote

I even put my favorite quote in it and my throat is hurting form yelling at God 

asking him why he underwrote my life

and I preceded to pull out my knife

to slit my throat then I grit my teeth together

and I tell myself as much as I feel unfit

I can't permit myself to quite on life

and I just hit the deck crying

and I bite my hand to stop but I couldn't

and that's when I started to think about oh shit

I'm a sinking pit

with in a blink of an eye

I'm looking at all my scars on my arms an think

"I really should see a shrink"

did I do it?

naw I decided to just drink

took a couple bottles to kill the anxiety

I just fucked up my sobriety

I'm about to hear it because of society

they think there just so almighty

oh wait that's some kind of irony